is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so much tequila, so little girl.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
