**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
