I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
