This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
