i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
