Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
