we made out on top of his cat.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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