Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
