i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
