While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize