She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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