I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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