My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
