I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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