So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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