I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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