yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
