If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
