I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
