so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
