just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
