I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
