id be glad to
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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