I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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