My pussy is not your playground.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize