your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
