I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
