pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
