Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
