"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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