Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
