can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
