I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
