I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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