New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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