plz talk dirty to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think my mom watched the whole time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
