you guys were way drunker than both of me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize