If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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