If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
