still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
