just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
