Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
