You can't special order awesome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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