WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
