yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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