I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize