I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
