Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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