the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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