woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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