Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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