I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
