Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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