"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
