So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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