in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
