Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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