I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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