you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You made out with two different species that night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
