you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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