all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
