why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
