Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
