Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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